Saturday, September 7, 2013


This has been a tough month--this August that began on the 2nd with a request that Hospice be brought iin to help with the care of my Aunt Anna.  She had jsut returned from an emergency stay at RI Hospital ICU where her  breathing difficulties and her sudden seizure activity signalled a real down turn.  I did not realize how anxious it would make me to see her failing.
I guess that she is so associated with  that whole parental generaton and the fact that she is the only one  left makes me feel that her  loss and changes are   another way of losing my mother. She  shared our lives together and she has  had all those memories.
Now I  am so  influenced by her moods and changes. Every time I see her she  is different and I simply don't know what to expect..  I guess that nothing  stays the same and all change is unpredictable, but we think when we are younger that we can predict things and that we have  some control over  events. Wrong on both counts--but the illusion  gives us confidence. Now I need to find  a way to be confident that change will  be for the best--as we age and weaken that  confidence seems  unrealistsic and just plain wrong.
I need some help with this.

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