Now I know what GHOSTED means

 

About GHOSTING I KNEW NOTHING. SO I did what I always do about the unknown--I googled it.

Here's what I learned online:

in most situations, if you haven't heard from someone even after contacting them repeatedly, they've ghosted you. They won't respond to your messages or calls. A telling sign that you've been ghosted is if you can't get in contact with them. No matter how you reach out or for how long, you don't hear back.Jun 4, 2022

And here is what I learned through experience:

 However, ghosting could also be a sign of self isolation seen in people with depression, suicidal tendencies, or are relapsing with an addiction.^[20] There is limited research directly on the effect of ghosting on the person on the receiving end. However, studies have indicated that ghosting is considered the most hurtful way to end a relationship in comparison to other methods such as direct confrontation.^[21] It has been shown to cause feelings of ostracism, exclusion, and rejection. Additionally, the lack of social cues along with the ambiguity in ghosting can cause a form of emotional dysregulation in which a person feels out of control.^[22] Some mental health professionals consider ghosting to be a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse, a type of silent treatment or stonewalling behaviour, and emotional cruelty.^[7]

THE PERSON ON THE RECEIVING END.  

That would be me. So maybe  I can add to "the limited research  on the effects of ghosting."

Some how because this person  initiated the contact by commenting on one of the things I mentioned on this blog, I feel as if my blog has been  made a less safe place for me. So perhaps that is why I want to talk about it on the blog.  It is a way to reclaim this space.

This person--whom I have never met--shares a lot of  traits and circumstances with me. Pawtucket born and bred, this person  also writes poems and stories about  Pawtucket. And this person shares my love for poetry and for Beat   writers. We also shared early experiences of going to the Narragansett Race Track with our gambling fathers . We both lived close enough to walk to the track which no longer exists.

All of those memories and associations have been polluted by this person  cultivating me about these topics and interests and then ghosting me.

This person is old like me and we shared the memories of the "golden age of Pawtucket."

Now all is tarnished. Can I remove that  tarnish  and polish them back again?

I  want to reclaim these years and times and experiences and  remove them from this person's destructive influence. 

In fact my hope is to transform this experience into material for my work. To trust that having a new  experience in the  79th year of my life is a great gift.

That it will be new material for my plays and poems and yes, even for my blog. A great gift for my work. And maybe for my soul.

I am grateful that this charade of friendship only wasted a few weeks of my time. But at this  time in life, even a few weeks is a few weeks  too many. 

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