Anna's Anniversary

Today is the  anniversary of  my Aunt Anna's death.  It was a painful death and she was frightened.  We often had spoken together about  her idea of "a happy death" and had always  imagined with her  that we would together  create a happy death bed  scene ---for her.  We would sing  her favorite  hymns and  would recite her favorite prayers -- but  that did not happen.  She was in too  much pain and  suffering and full of fear because of a terrible black bile that  she was spitting up constantly. I also felt horrified and thought that black bile was an image of death itself.  We tried to recite the rosary together but we could not keep it up.  I became too angry at the  doctor who would not or could not seem to alleviate her  suffering.  I had not  thought that instead of praying  I would be  making the air  blue calling for nurses and  the doctor and wondering out loud what could be done to help ease her pain and anxiety.  She  knew she was dying; she thanked me over and over for all the ways I had helped her, and she seemed to approve  when I yelled at the doctor.

Today
I want to do something for her and I have done the usual --having prayers said and visiting her grave. When I came to visit her every Friday, before she was unable to  walk,  I  took her to Chelos for her favorite  fish and chips. Today I did the same and got a take out order to share with  my husband.
But that seems like so little.  I  am inspired  to share some of the choices we made for her ideal death maybe   that will help  ease the grief that I feel every day for her.

Favorite hymn

MOTHER OF CHRIST

7/29/2007

MOTHER OF CHRIST, MOTHER OF CHRIST
WHAT SHALL I ASK OF THEE?
I DO NOT SIGH FOR THE WEALTH OF EARTH
FOR THE JOYS THAT FADE AND FLEE, BUT...
MOTHER OF CHRIST, MOTHER OF CHRIST
THIS DO I LONG TO SEE
THE BLISS UNTOLD WHICH YOUR ARMS ENFOLD
THE TREASURE UPON YOUR KNEE


MOTHER OF CHRIST, MOTHER OF CHRIST
I TOSS ON A STORMY SEA
OH LIFT YOUR CHILD AS A BEACON LIGHT
TO THE PORT WHERE I FAIN WOULD BE, AND...
MOTHER OF CHRIST, MOTHER OF CHRIST
THIS DO I ASK OF THEE
WHEN THE VOYAGE IS O'ER
OH STAND ON THE SHORE
AND SHOW HIM AT LAST TO ME

Here's a verse that Anna  always sang--

MOTHER OF CHRIST, MOTHER OF CHRIST
HE'LL NOT SAY NAY TO THEE
WHEN HE LIFTS HIS FACE
TO THY SWEET EMBRACE
SPEAK TO HIM,MOTHER,OF ME.